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I Sometimes Just Want to Hear
The nothing— The big, empty, silent nothing The absence And emptiness Of peace But there is no peace Beyond getting to it When you’re there You know you can’t stay Not and live I used to watch for still points I wanted to wind and wind and Come to the place Where we started But there is no still point Only among ghosts Beyond emptiness To look at our own beginning To where we came from And know it’s where we’re going Stars are illusions Moved about by the dark matter The dark energy The forces that aren’t there Aren’t anywhere our senses know Where only our math can touch Someone asked me once When I’d like to die I answered Only when I know the answers He asked what are the questions And I answered the questions don’t matter Only the answers And only then can we move on I don’t want to know where I came from To know where I’m going To know where I am What I am A mollusk that can’t move Except by farts A coral reef That’s bleached Reach into the universe As far as you can go And you’ll only go backwards Backwards to move forward Until you come to now And what is now? A birth (or breath) A cow calving A turtle hatching Crawling from the sand that covered it Crawling through the sand To the destination it didn’t know was there And that it might not ever reach The flowers I bought because I knew I could never plant them Would never have the time The flowers I bought to watch die In the pots I carried them home in I want the peace of nothing But I want it now While I am alive Let the ever-widening gyre widen What is it to me? What if I have the albatross Around my neck Why should I care? What is its weight to me? What is a field of daffodils? What is the 800 in a valley of death? What is the endless tide against the shore? Who are you? I might better ask who am I Who are you? Are you me? Are you me that crossed the Siani But not alone Did not cross without knowing Who I am Who are you? You are me And should I ask what is man? What is woman? And should I ask what are the children? When did we stop being the children? A hard time we had of it.
The nothing— The big, empty, silent nothing The lack And void Of calm But there is no calm Beyond reaching it When you’re there You realize you can’t stay Not and live
I used to look for calm moments I wanted to unwind and unwind and Return to the place Where we began But there is no calm moment Only among spirits Beyond emptiness To see our own start To where we came from And know it’s where we’re heading
Stars are illusions Moved by the dark matter The dark energy The forces that aren’t present Aren’t anywhere our senses recognize Where only our math can reach
Someone once asked me When I’d like to die I replied Only when I know the answers He asked what are the questions And I replied the questions don’t matter Only the answers And only then can we proceed I don’t want to know where I came from To know where I’m going To know where I am What I am A soft-bodied animal that can’t move Except by gas A marine structure That’s faded
Reach into the universe As far as you can reach And you’ll only go backwards Backwards to move forward Until you arrive at now And what is now? A birth (or breath) A cow giving birth A turtle emerging Crawling from the sand that covered it Crawling through the sand To the destination it didn’t know existed And that it might not ever reach The flowers I bought because I knew I could never plant them Would never have the time The flowers I bought to watch die In the pots I brought them home in
I want the calm of nothing But I want it now While I am alive Let the ever-widening circle widen What is it to me? What if I have the large seabird Around my neck Why should I care? What is its burden to me? What is a field of yellow flowers? What is the 800 in a valley of death? What is the endless sea movement against the shore?
Who are you? I might better ask who am I Who are you? Are you me? Are you me that crossed the Sinai But not alone Did not cross without knowing Who I am Who are you? You are me
And should I ask what is man? What is woman? And should I ask what are the children? When did we stop being the children?
A hard time we had of it.