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The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter
The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn’t just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I’m as mad as a hatter
When I tell you, a cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there’s the name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey—
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter—
But all of them sensible everyday names,
But I tell you, a cat needs a name that’s particular,
A name that’s peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum—
Names that never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there’s still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no human research can discover—
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Naming cats is a hard thing to do,
It's not just a fun game for holidays;
You might think I'm crazy at first
When I say a cat needs THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First, there's the name the family uses every day,
Like Peter, Augustus, Alonzo, or James,
Like Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey—
All of these are sensible, everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound nice,
Some for the men, some for the women:
Like Plato, Admetus, Electra, Demeter—
But all of these are sensible, everyday names,
But I tell you, a cat needs a special name,
A name that is unique and more dignified,
Otherwise, how can he keep his tail up straight,
Or spread his whiskers, or feel proud?
For names like these, I can give you a few,
Like Munkustrap, Quaxo, or Coricopat,
Like Bombalurina, or Jellylorum—
Names that belong to only one cat.
But beyond that, there's still one name left,
And that is the name you'll never guess;
The name that no human can find out—
But THE CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and won't tell.
When you see a cat deep in thought,
The reason is always the same:
His mind is busy in deep contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His indescribable describable
Indescribable