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All of us came in Doctor Kerlin's bag.All of us came in Doctor Kerlin's bag
All of us came in Doctor Kerlin's bag. He'd arrive with it, disappear to the room And by the time he'd reappear to wash
Those nosy, rosy, big, soft hands of his In the scullery basin, its lined insides (The colour of a spaniel's inside lug)
Were empty for all to see, the trap-sprung mouth Unsnibbed and gaping wide. Then like a hypnotist Unwinding us, he'd wind the instruments
Back into their lining, tie the cloth Like an apron round itself, Darken the door and leave
With the bag in his hand, a plump ark by the keel ... Until the next time came and in he'd come In his fur-lined collar that was also spaniel-coloured
And go stooping up to the room again, a whiff Of disinfectant, a Dutch interior gleam Of waistcoat satin and highlights on the forceps.
Getting the water ready, that was next— Not plumping hot, and not lukewarm, but soft, Sud-luscious, saved for him from the rain-butt
And savoured by him afterwards, all thanks Denied as he towelled hard and fast, Then held his arms out suddenly behind him
To be squired and silk-lined into the camel coat. At which point he once turned his eyes upon me, Hyperborean, beyond-the-north-wind blue,
Two peepholes to the locked room I saw into Every time his name was mentioned, skimmed Milk and ice, swabbed porcelain, the white
And chill of tiles, steel hooks, chrome surgery tools And blood dreeps in the sawdust where it thickened At the foot of each cold wall. And overhead
The little, pendent, teat-hued infant parts Strung neatly from a line up near the ceiling— A toe, a foot and shin, an arm, a cock
A bit like the rosebud in his buttonhole. 2 Poeta doctus Peter Levi says Sanctuaries of Asclepius (called asclepions) Were the equivalent of hospitals
In ancient Greece. Or of shrines like Lourdes, Says poeta doctus Graves. Or of the cure By poetry that cannot be coerced,
Say I, who realized at Epidaurus That the whole place was a sanatorium With theatre and gymnasium and baths,
A site of incubation, where "incubation" Was technical and ritual, meaning sleep When epiphany occurred and you met the god ...
Hatless, groggy, shadowing myself As the thurifer I was in an open air procession In Lourdes in '56
When I nearly fainted from the heat and fumes, Again I nearly fainted as I bent To pull a bunch of grass and hallucinated
Doctor Kerlin at the steamed-up glass Of our scullery window, starting in to draw With his large pink index finger dot-faced men
With button-spots in a straight line down their fronts And women with dot breasts, giving them all A set of droopy sausage-arms and legs
That soon began to run. And then as he dipped and laved In the generous suds again, miraculum: The baby bits all came together swimming
Into his soapy big hygienic hands And I myself came to, blinded with sweat, Blinking and shaky in the windless light.
III
Bits of the grass I pulled I posted off To one going into chemotherapy And one who had come through. I didn't want
To leave the place or link up with the others. It was mid-day, mid-May, pre-tourist sunlight In the precincts of the god,
The very site of the temple of Asclepius. I wanted nothing more than to lie down Under hogweed, under seeded grass
And to be visited in the very eye of the day By Hygeia, his daughter, her name still clarifying The haven of light she was, the undarkening door.
IV
The room I came from and the rest of us all came from Stays pure reality where I stand alone, Standing the passage of time, and she's asleep
In sheets put on for the doctor, wedding presents That showed up again and again, bridal And usual and useful at births and deaths.
Me at the bedside, incubating for real, Peering, appearing to her as she closes And opens her eyes, then lapses back
Into a faraway smile whose precinct of vision I would enter every time, to assist and be asked In that hoarsened whisper of triumph,
"And what do you think Of the new wee baby the doctor brought for us all When I was asleep?"
All of us were born from Doctor Kerlin's bag. He would come with it, go into the room And when he came back, he would wash his hands.
His big, soft hands were rosy and curious In the kitchen sink, which was lined Like the inside of a dog's ear.
The bag was empty for everyone to see, its mouth open wide Like a trap that had been sprung. Then, like a magician He would put the instruments back in their place.
He would wrap the cloth around like an apron, Darken the doorway and leave With the bag in his hand, like a small ark.
Until the next time he came, wearing A fur-lined collar that looked like a dog's fur And went back to the room, smelling of disinfectant.
He would prepare the water next— Not too hot, not too cold, but just right, Saved for him from the rain barrel.
He would enjoy it afterwards, refusing thanks As he dried himself quickly, Then held his arms out to be helped into his coat.
At that moment, he once looked at me, With eyes as cold as the north wind, Two small windows to the locked room I imagined.
Every time his name was mentioned, I saw Milk and ice, white tiles, steel hooks, And blood dripping into the sawdust on the floor.
Above, little baby parts hung neatly From a line near the ceiling— A toe, a foot, a shin, an arm, a penis
Like the rosebud in his buttonhole. Learned poet Peter Levi says Sanctuaries of Asclepius were like hospitals
In ancient Greece. Or like shrines such as Lourdes, Says learned poet Graves. Or like the healing By poetry that can't be forced,
Say I, who realized at Epidaurus That the whole place was a healing center With a theater, gym, and baths, A place for incubation, where "incubation" Was a ritual sleep when you met the god...
Hatless, dizzy, following myself As the incense bearer I was in a procession In Lourdes in '56
When I almost fainted from the heat and fumes, Again I almost fainted as I bent To pull some grass and imagined
Doctor Kerlin at the steamed-up window Of our kitchen, starting to draw With his big pink finger, dot-faced people
With button spots down their fronts And women with dot breasts, giving them Droopy sausage arms and legs
That soon began to run. Then as he washed In the generous suds again, a miracle: The baby parts all came together
In his soapy big clean hands And I woke up, blinded by sweat, Blinking and shaky in the calm light.
I sent bits of the grass I pulled To someone starting chemotherapy And someone who had finished. I didn't want
To leave or join the others. It was midday, mid-May, in the sunlight At the god's temple,
The very site of Asclepius's temple. I wanted nothing more than to lie down Under the plants and grass
And be visited in the daylight
By Hygeia, his daughter, her name still meaning The light she was, the door that never darkens. The room I came from and we all came from
Remains pure reality where I stand alone, Standing through time, and she's asleep In sheets put on for the doctor, wedding gifts
That appeared again and again, bridal And usual and useful at births and deaths. Me at the bedside, truly waiting,
Looking, appearing to her as she closes And opens her eyes, then smiles In a distant way, whose vision
I would enter every time, to help and be asked
In that hoarse whisper of triumph, "And what do you think Of the new little baby the doctor brought for us all
When I was asleep?"