Poetry Analysis

How did I hate myself then when that’s who I want to be now?

I look back at the photos, I step into her state of mind The constant judgment Not knowing that I would become who I thought I was then.

I would REALLY become the monster that I saw in the mirror The heathen in myself that I feared God would definitely hate the sinner I’ve become Not the angel that told one white lie

I have lost all motivation Not a fuck to give Nor a minute or a second To the prosperity of my future

I do not take my meds I do not brush my teeth I am not a healthy bitch Just one who has food wrappers in her room

One who has 12 hours of screen time One who talks to men to fill the gap One who has completely lost herself And developed a mindless personality

I have become the girl who I always wanted to be The one who finally caught a break And become the woman that I have always feared The one who finally caught a break

One who does whatever the fuck she wants Who Doesn’t give a shit about anything or anyone And One who is controlled by pleasure and desire

You decide which is the good one and which is the bad.

Or maybe they’re both good or bad

But they both lead to an unfamiliar version of myself that feels like home

Where I do not have to be ashamed of my wants and wishes that will destroy me

And where I isolate myself to the point of begging others for attention

Binging to let someone see my pain

Purging to broadcast to the world

I NEED HELP.

But no one can take a fucking hint

Instead of love, I get laughter

I can not find a median

I go all the way, or give in all the way