Loading
early onset chronic suicidality.early onset chronic suicidality
early onset chronic suicidality. psychosis, anorexia, and bpd. why me? i was once a happy child except i never was but they say i'm wrong and they're right. they say i was kind.
but ever since i can remember my mind played a song. a song of flies. ugly bugs, they're singing and rotten apples are falling to the ground, the warm green playground as i watched from the castle window.
i throw my cigarette on the ground, right next to the trash can i was supposed to throw it in. supposed to? but wasn't the teacher supposed to take care of the kids and not let one girl loose to a future of a past noone would believe?
i was 6.
sometimes i think i'm a fraud, i'm lying. sometimes i blink so fast, i think i'm dying. and just sometimes i put a towel over my face let the water run try to forget. to breathe.
or is it that? breathing? is it death, is it life is it running, is it staying is it black? or is it white? it's brown. it's wooden, a wooden bedframe, and a crying child.
maybe i am chronic maybe i will never heal but how do i get to the point of knowing what is fake and what is real? because memories lie and people die and thoughts don't matter. let's run the water.
early start of ongoing suicidal thoughts. mental disorder, eating disorder, and borderline personality disorder. why me? i was once a joyful child except I never really was but they say I'm mistaken and they're correct. they say I was nice.
but as long as I can remember my mind played a tune. a tune of flies. ugly insects, they're singing and spoiled apples are dropping to the ground, the warm green playground as I watched from the castle window.
I drop my cigarette on the ground, right next to the trash can I was meant to throw it in. meant to? but wasn't the teacher supposed to look after the kids and not let one girl stray to a future of a past no one would believe?
I was 6.
sometimes I think I'm a fake, I'm lying. sometimes I blink so fast, I think I'm dying. and just sometimes I cover my face with a towel let the water run try to forget. to breathe.
or is it that? breathing? is it death, is it life is it running, is it staying is it black? or is it white? it's brown. it's wooden, a wooden bedframe, and a crying child.
maybe I am ongoing maybe I will never recover but how do I get to the point of knowing what is false and what is real? because memories deceive and people die and thoughts don't matter. let's run the water.