Poetry Analysis

400 calories is that it? i like the number four i don't like the number fifty six i don't like red i like blue

the feeling of bones portruding clothes fitting loosely being a child independent

he took my innocence and i can't take him to jail so i'll become four again i can't live in the present tense

they call it bpd they call it everything they give me the pills and i take many until i'm sick i drink water and i sleep i sleep so much

and i always have nightmares

i hate my new meds and my psychiatrist said i'll never get better she's fat and ugly i have no respect for her, and she for me i wish she were dead and me too along with her

she thinks i'm making it up is it really a lie?

my dad said it said on the papers from the doctor when i had an infection that i am a virgin crying, saying he'll find him demanding, i give him his name not understanding, i don't remember

the name the face just the room and the warm green of the playground i wasn't in i looked out the castle window

and i cut my long golden hair and i was scared of field trips and i would draw myself with a huge chest and big hips and i knew exactly what sex was at six and the parents would tell their kids to avoid me

and i am beautiful but what is it worth? when i can't change the past and my beauty is the source of the hurt

i will always be a hopeless helpless child 171 cm goal weight 38 kg a bmi of 13 i don't like fifty six.